


And Darling, No One Else Can Fix Me.

by brooklynbis



Series: Simon and Bram VS The Chronic Illness Agenda. [2]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Chronic Illness, Fluff and Angst, High School, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Movie based, Protective Bram Greenfeld, Sickfic, Simon is a great boyfriend, Supportive Bram Greenfeld, bram is a great boyfriend, diabetes au, diabetes is a bitch, diabetic simon, diabetic!simon au, type one diabetes, type one diabetic simon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2019-06-19 15:08:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15512529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brooklynbis/pseuds/brooklynbis
Summary: Despite being home, Simon can't help but feel different. Maybe that's because everything is. He knew this was his life now. His everyday, his normal. But that doesn't mean he wants it to be. That doesn't mean he can't be in denial for a while, ignore it, hate it._________________AKA, Simon finally goes home, and eventually explains things to Bram.





	And Darling, No One Else Can Fix Me.

**Author's Note:**

> again, this is mainly based off my own experience here (very heavily in fact). all systems used will be british as I'm from the UK, hopefully that doesn't get too confusing for anyone. 
> 
> trigger warnings : a panic attack (of sorts) and a sorta breakdown. 
> 
> lowercase intended. title from 'only you' by cheat codes and little mix. 
> 
> comments, feedback and kudos would be appreciated if you enjoyed, plus any prompts which you can leave in the comments or in my tumblr ask box @/brooklynbis

Despite being home, Simon can't help but feel different. Maybe that's because everything is.

Since leaving, his curtains have been opened, his bed has been stripped and remade with fresh sheets. The carpet had been hoovered, and nearly every surface had been dusted, cleared and tidied. Maybe that was Nora's way of trying to help. Everything felt off.

It didn't take him long to chuck all of his clothes into the washing basket in the laundry room, before abandoning the bag he had from the hospital on the floor and kicking off his shoes. He knew that in a couple hours, his mum would be pestering him to do a blood sugar test and to inject the insulin he needed. He was dreading it already. He sighed, shrugging off his jeans before climbing into his fresh bed. Despite having spent days in a bed, he couldn't bring himself to do anything but pull the covers up around his head as he lay on his side and unlocked his phone. He had a few texts from Abby, Nick, Leah and Garrett, which he left on read for now before looking at the latest text he had from Bram.

Bram<3 : how are you doing? I miss you x

He smiled slightly before thinking about what he was going to reply with. He couldn't exactly push Bram away much longer, otherwise Bram breaking up with him would become a reality.

Simon : good enough to be let out. I miss you too x  
Bram<3 : well that's good then. Hate to say this, but I have a bunch of work for you here on my desk, since everyone just thinks you have the flu. When did you want it? I can drop it over if you want x  
Simon : not now, sorry  
Bram<3 : hey, that's okay. Just let me know when and I can bring it over for you, alright? X  
Simon : yeah, thanks x  
Simon : would you come over tonight? X  
Simon : I know you're probably busy so you don't have to  
Simon : but it'd be nice to see you x  
Bram<3 : of course I can, if you're sure x  
Simon : I am x

He took a deep breath before locking his phone and letting it fall onto his pillow and down onto his mattress. He was tired, and he knew that if Bram was coming over later, he would need a nap now. Plus, it was always nice to escape the overwhelmingness of his life for a while.

_________________

"Simon, you need to test and inject honey," his mum said, disturbing his sleep as he groaned, rolling over to face away from her.

"I know you want to avoid it, but you can't. This is your life now simon," she said, putting the stuff on his bed before walking away. He sighed, closing his eyes again for a second. He knew this was his life now. His everyday, his normal. But that doesn't mean he wants it to be. That doesn't mean he can't be in denial for a while, ignore it, hate it.

He sat up slowly and grabbed the kit that would end up being his best friend. He grabbed one of the strips and put it into the meter before twirling the finger pricker in between his fingers for a few minutes. Eventually, he let the needle pierce his finger, and winced when it shot in and out quickly. He let the machine suck up the blood and dabbed the rest of it away with a tissue. He prepared the needle on the pen as told by the hospital, and then found a fleshy part of his leg that wasn't bruised.

He knew that it didn't have to be as big a deal as he was making it. But he had always hated needles, and the idea of having to use them for the rest of his life terrified him. He broke out in a sweat at the thought of doing it, or doing a blood test because it all involved needles that were going to hurt him, and it was going to be self inflicted so he couldn't even complain about it-

"Simon? Bram is here!" Nora said as she poked her head around his door as he looked up at her with wide eyes.

"Stall him? Please?" he asked as Nora nodded and left him alone again. He knew he had to do the injection quickly, as there was only so long Nora could stall, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. As he got more and more frustrated with himself, he felt tears prick the corners of his eyes before he chucked the pen across the room with a shout, not being able to contain it anymore as he grabbed his knees and pulled them to his chest.

"Simon? What's wrong?" he heard the panicked voice of his mum as she entered his room quickly, followed by his father. He knew he had been pushing Bram away all week, he knew he didn't want things to change with Bram, but in all honesty, the only person he could bear to see in that moment was his boyfriend.

"I want Bram," he whimpered from where his forehead was rested on his knees, arms wrapped tightly around his legs to hold them up.

"Are you sure honey? I thought you didn't want him to know?"

"Well he's gonna find out at some point! Please," he said loudly as they nodded and both left the room, leaving him alone to sniffle and try and stop his tears.

He didn't notice Bram had entered his room until there was a warm hand on his bare knee, causing him to lift his head slightly and let his eyes meet Bram's, who had a warm and comforting smile on his face despite everything.

"Hey," he said quietly as Simon slowly unwound himself only to wrap himself around Bram, wanting to be close to him.

"Hi," Simon whispered quietly as Bram lifted himself and Simon onto Simon's bed so that he was sitting comfortably. It didn't take him long to get comfortable in Bram's lap, arms wrapped around his neck, head rested on his chest and legs thrown across Bram's.

"I missed you," Simon said after a minute of quiet, just letting Bram's presence calm him and make him forget about the needle.

"I missed you too, Si," Bram replied, resting his cheek on top of Simon's head as he slowly rubbed his hand up and down Simon's back.

"Simon, mum says I have to make sure you injected," Nora said quietly, disturbing their exchange as Simon looked up slightly before trying to hide his face further into Bram's tshirt.

"Sweetheart, did you do your injection before I turned up?" Bram leaned down slightly to talk to him as Simon waited for a minute before slowly shaking his head.

"I don't wanna Bram," he mumbled, not opening his eyes.

"I know you don't, I know," he comforted as he felt a few of Simon's tears make his shirt damn and watched as Nora retrieved the needle from across the room and double checked it was still fit to use.

"Simon, did you want me to do it for you?" Nora asked and after a couple minutes of silence, Simon barely nodded, before grabbing the back of Bram's tshirt and clenching it in his fists.

"Hey it's alright, it'll be over in a second, alright?" Bram soothed as Nora crouched down in front of Simon's leg and found a patch. When she slowly put in the needle, Bram felt Simon's body shake with a sob and it broke his heart, but clearly he needed them. He didn't know what for, but he felt so much pain at seeing his boyfriend in pain.

"Okay, we're done," Nora said, capping the needle.

"You did so well," Bram whispered to him as Simon moved to curl himself more around Bram as soon as the needle was out of his leg. Nora nodded at him as she put the needle on his wardrobe before quietly walking out of the room and shutting the door behind her.

He didn't know what was going on with his boyfriend, but he wanted to help him, soothe him, comfort him, just take away his pain.

"It's okay, it's over now," Bram said quietly to him as Simon shook his head whilst crying into Bram's shoulder.

"No it's not, it's never over," he said between sobs as Bram shushed him and whispered soothing things into his ear until his crying slowly ceased to just sniffles into his shirt.

"How about I go get you something to eat whilst you change into something comfier, yeah? Then we can sit down and talk, about whatever you want to talk about. It doesn't necessarily have to be this, okay?" Bram suggested when Simon pulled away enough for Bram to see his face. It was red and puffed from his crying, but Bram still thought he looked beautiful. After a moment, simon nodded and reluctantly got off Bram's lap, going over to his wardrobe to find some pajamas.

"I'll be right back, okay?" he said, walking over to his boyfriend and pressing a kiss to his cheek before leaving and walking quickly down the stairs into the kitchen. He knew he was welcome to help himself to whatever he wanted whenever he wanted, but this stuff was mainly for Simon. He saw Nora had left some food under a bowl and towel for him to try and keep it warm, so he took that onto a tray, and made two hot teas for the both of them, and grabbed a cereal bar for himself, since he was a bit peckish. As he grabbed the tray and began to make his way back upstairs, he was stopped by a call of his name.

"How is he?" Emily asked from her place on the sofa next to Jack, with Nora and Beiber on a chair on their own.

"Uh, probably been better, but some food and sleep should do him good I hope," he said, holding the tray up slightly to gesture to what he was taking up there.

"Well, we'll be careful not to disturb you," Jack said as Bram nodded and thanked him before beginning to walk away.

"Oh, and Bram?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you, for taking care of him," Emily said with a fond look on her face as Bram blushed slightly, smiled, nodded and walked up the stairs towards Simon's room. He nudged the door open with his hip, seeing Simon sat on his bed in fresh pajamas, sitting there like he didn't quite belong.

"Nora cooked you something. Hope you don't mind I grabbed something for myself," he said, setting the tray down as Simon just shook his head in response.

"I'm sorry," he blurted out once Bram had sat down on the bed next to him.

"What for?" Bram asked with a look of confusion on his face.

"For shutting you out. For pushing you away. You should know, I just..." Simon veered off, staring down at his clasped hands in his lap.

"I don't wanna lose you," he finally finished in a quiet voice, making Bram furrow his eyebrows in confusion.

"Why would you lose me? I promise you, whatever it is, I'm not going anywhere," he promised, placing his hands gently over Simon's, reassuring him.

"I don't know. I don't want you to think differently of me, as this burden," he spits out the word burden like it's poison.

"But I know, and I know there's no chance in hell you'd ever become a burden to me. If you're struggling, i want to help you, support you and love you through it all," he said making Simon sigh as he slowly shuffled closer to his boyfriend until they were close enough that their knees were touching. They didn't speak for a while, Bram just letting Simon process his thoughts and emotions. At some point, he had grabbed Simon's hands and held them softly in his own.

"Did you want your tea?" Bram asked quietly and Simon just nodded, moving when Bram let go of his hands. By the time he had the two teas in his hands, Simon had moved to the corner of the bed, by the window, and he had tucked himself up as small as he could get, which was pretty damn small. Carefully, Bram set the full mugs down onto the window ledge and climbed onto the bed until he was next to Simon, sat up slightly more as he passed the tea to Simon who accepted it with a quiet 'thanks'.

"They said I was close to dying when I was admitted," Simon broke the silence, and whilst that was so, so hard for Bram to hear, but he knew Simon needed him to hear this. Nevertheless, he couldn't stop himself wrapping an arm around Simon protectively, as if he could protect Simon from all the bad in the world. Simon welcomed it, turning himself slightly so he was still small but he was facing the window, leaning back against Bram's chest as he watched the leaves blow off the trees in the strong breeze. October brought a certain chill that Simon usually enjoyed, but he knew he would never enjoy it the same now.

"Apparently if my mum had left me a couple more days, I probably would've died in my sleep from organ failure," he continued with a completely blank face. Bram squeezed him slightly, but didn't interrupt.

"They put me in the high dependency unit for a couple days because I just wasn't getting better on a ward where I was before." he kept leaving breaks between his sentences, sometimes to sip his tea, sometimes to decide what else he wanted to say. Either way, Bram didn't mind. Slowly, Simon was opening up after shutting him out for nearly a week.

"They... They diagnosed me pretty quickly but it's just... A lot," he said as Bram nodded, rubbing a hand up and down his cold arm soothingly.

"Diabetes," he said quietly, voice barely above a whisper.

"Hey, it's alright. This won't change anything majorly, I promise," Bram said as he felt Simon shake slightly as he curled more into bram, seeking the physical comfort that he was more than willing to give.

"Please don't leave," he whispered as he held his mug close to his chest, head rested on Bram's chest with his eyes closed.

"Never," Bram promised, pressing a firm kiss to the top of his head.

"Do I have to talk about the rest?" Simon asked tentatively.

"Of course not, not if you don't want to. I just want to help, that's all, and that means taking things at your pace, not mine, alright?" he asked and after a few seconds, Simon nodded, too tired to fight back.

"Will you stay tonight?" Simon asked him, looking up from where he was positioned.

"Of course, if that's what you want," he replied as Simon nodded without hesitation.

And so Bram stayed. He stayed for the meal they ate together in the fading light of the evening on his bed, he stayed as his mother reminded him about his blood test, he stayed when it was time for his night time injection, he stayed when Simon almost had a panic attack over giving the injection, he stayed when Simon needed holding through the night, and he stayed when Simon awoke from a nightmare just to find a life that seemed almost as bad.

He stayed.


End file.
